I don't understand how the creative process can work sometimes..
I am currently caught in tides of misunderstanding and doubt of self...
my ability as an illustrator seems so weak...especially when in the
face of some new job opportunity!

Why do some artists grab for those possibility-generating
moments when all is bared for judgment, and some shrink away like they've
been burnt? I find I do mostly the latter...even when my friends and
family are encouraging me to go for it. And then I hate myself..
because I didn't go for it, because I don't "care" enough to push past
my fears, because I eventually feel so guilty that I spiral into depression...

Then I know I'm letting down everyone who has seen my art, who knows the best
parts of me that the art MUST be coming from...

I wonder...do those parts exist without being drawn out by the observations
of those very important people?

I'm always telling everyone that they're not alone, to ask for help..
then when it's my turn, I have nothing to say???? WHAT THE %#&*!^#@!

Don't feel sorry for me, I'm just venting..
I just need to pull myself by them ol' bootstraps and get a move on!

Create something!!

Ali